Trying to remain civil and remain friends with someone can be hard in
certain situations. I try to make the effort, but they seemingly don't
give a shit. The odd time I ask them for a favour, they can't be
bothered. It's frustrating. I want to make this friendship work, but I
have my doubts. We went from talking a lot to hardly talking at all.
In this day in age in the online and always connected world, you are
bombarded with inspirational quotes, "words of wisdom," and what they
call helpful advice or a helpful opinion. It's as if everybody has
something insightful to say. It's like they've become some sort of
self-help guru thinking that spewing sunshine and rainbows is going to
make everything alright. Okay, maybe that is the cynic in me. I
digress.
With a past situation, I've been told that I should be happy to be
friends with the person. They never truly understood my side. It took
me a long time to realize to realize that she was toxic. So this person
has been out of my life for a few years. I tried to make it work, but
there came a time where enough was enough. That ties in to the thing
you see a lot online. You see a lot of people saying you should rid
yourself of the people who are not good for you and your life. That's
exactly what I did.
Circling back around to this current friend, I still consider her a
friend. Again, it is frustrating. I debate with myself at times
whether or not I should be friends with this person. She has changed
and we've been friends for less than a year. It's nothing I did. She
at one time called me her "best friend." It wasn't something I wanted
to read. When females call a guy their "best friend" and they are not
dating or in some sort of relationship; it makes you think you that
they've been friendzoned. When I read that, I hated it. I find it
cringy when a female calls a guy their "best friend" no matter what
their relationship.
It makes no sense to consider someone that good of a friend than change.
I try to talk to her, but it's no use. She doesn't respond. In the
off chance we do talk, it ends up being about her. There were times
when we were to talk about me, but the conversation ends up on her
somehow. She is dealing with stuff. That's all fine and well. I am
trying to deal with stuff as well. Life is hard for her. Life is hard
for me. That's no reason to ignore a so-called "friend."
There are lots of times I feel like I am at the end of my tether. Lots
of times I feel like saying screw it with this friendship. But I never
pull the trigger. I don't have the most female friends in my life. So
maybe I am trying to hold on to the ones I have. Certain ones like this
friendship in this particular post I am trying to hold on to. It seems
like a lost cause when I think about it. It all goes back to pulling
the trigger. Am I too much of a chump for not doing it?
I just don't get what her deal is. I tried asking her recently, but
again, I got no response. Ignored. I've been told I can come over
anytime. I tried to that. Than I was told another time. That's was a
load of shit. It is insulting when someone who called me a "best
friend" promised to take me out for my birthday in June, but couldn't
even do that. It's frustrating.
I've been told by a friend that I should cut her loose. Again, it's
something I've considered. I've just haven't been able to bring myself
to do it. Is it for the best that I do it? I know for a fact it is
nothing I did for things to have ended up the way they have. I've have
been wrestling and debating with myself what I should do. I just can't
bring myself to pull the trigger even in such a frustrating situation. I
don't know why I can't do it. I don't know what is stopping. Why can
be the hardest question to answer no matter what the situation. But I
know that I don't always like to deal with certain situations. Maybe
that could be it, but I don't know.
It's a tough spot to be in and I doubt I'll make a decision on what to
do in the interim. I'll just keep wrestling with it and debating in my
head about it from time to time like I have been. Yes, I should make a
decision. But I'll just let it fester. That's not a good thing to do,
but I have a bad of habit of doing that. But it is what it is. I
hoping things will change. The cynic in me has me thinking it won't.
We'll see.
