Sunday, August 13, 2017

A Frustrating Situation

Trying to remain civil and remain friends with someone can be hard in certain situations.  I try to make the effort, but they seemingly don't give a shit.  The odd time I ask them for a favour, they can't be bothered.  It's frustrating.  I want to make this friendship work, but I have my doubts.  We went from talking a lot to hardly talking at all.

In this day in age in the online and always connected world, you are bombarded with inspirational quotes, "words of wisdom," and what they call helpful advice or a helpful opinion.  It's as if everybody has something insightful to say.  It's like they've become some sort of self-help guru thinking that spewing sunshine and rainbows is going to make everything alright.  Okay, maybe that is the cynic in me.  I digress.

With a past situation, I've been told that I should be happy to be friends with the person.  They never truly understood my side.  It took me a long time to realize to realize that she was toxic.  So this person has been out of my life for a few years.  I tried to make it work, but there came a time where enough was enough.  That ties in to the thing you see a lot online.  You see a lot of people saying you should rid yourself of the people who are not good for you and your life.  That's exactly what I did.

Circling back around to this current friend, I still consider her a friend.  Again, it is frustrating.  I debate with myself at times whether or not I should be friends with this person.  She has changed and we've been friends for less than a year.  It's nothing I did.  She at one time called me her "best friend."  It wasn't something I wanted to read.  When females call a guy their "best friend" and they are not dating or in some sort of relationship; it makes you think you that they've been friendzoned.  When I read that, I hated it.  I find it cringy when a female calls a guy their "best friend" no matter what their relationship.

It makes no sense to consider someone that good of a friend than change.  I try to talk to her, but it's no use.  She doesn't respond.  In the off chance we do talk, it ends up being about her.  There were times when we were to talk about me, but the conversation ends up on her somehow.  She is dealing with stuff.  That's all fine and well.  I am trying to deal with stuff as well.  Life is hard for her.  Life is hard for me.  That's no reason to ignore a so-called "friend."

There are lots of times I feel like I am at the end of my tether.  Lots of times I feel like saying screw it with this friendship.  But I never pull the trigger.  I don't have the most female friends in my life.  So maybe I am trying to hold on to the ones I have.  Certain ones like this friendship in this particular post I am trying to hold on to.  It seems like a lost cause when I think about it.  It all goes back to pulling the trigger.  Am I too much of a chump for not doing it?

I just don't get what her deal is.  I tried asking her recently, but again, I got no response.  Ignored.  I've been told I can come over anytime.  I tried to that.  Than I was told another time.  That's was a load of shit.  It is insulting when someone who called me a "best friend" promised to take me out for my birthday in June, but couldn't even do that.  It's frustrating.

I've been told by a friend that I should cut her loose.  Again, it's something I've considered.  I've just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.  Is it for the best that I do it?    I know for a fact it is nothing I did for things to have ended up the way they have.  I've have been wrestling and debating with myself what I should do.  I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger even in such a frustrating situation.  I don't know why I can't do it.  I don't know what is stopping.  Why can be the hardest question to answer no matter what the situation. But I know that I don't always like to deal with certain situations.  Maybe that could be it, but I don't know.

It's a tough spot to be in and I doubt I'll make a decision on what to do in the interim.  I'll just keep wrestling with it and debating in my head about it from time to time like I have been.  Yes, I should make a decision.  But I'll just let it fester.  That's not a good thing to do, but I have a bad of habit of doing that.  But it is what it is.  I hoping things will change.  The cynic in me has me thinking it won't.  We'll see.