Sunday, August 13, 2017

A Frustrating Situation

Trying to remain civil and remain friends with someone can be hard in certain situations.  I try to make the effort, but they seemingly don't give a shit.  The odd time I ask them for a favour, they can't be bothered.  It's frustrating.  I want to make this friendship work, but I have my doubts.  We went from talking a lot to hardly talking at all.

In this day in age in the online and always connected world, you are bombarded with inspirational quotes, "words of wisdom," and what they call helpful advice or a helpful opinion.  It's as if everybody has something insightful to say.  It's like they've become some sort of self-help guru thinking that spewing sunshine and rainbows is going to make everything alright.  Okay, maybe that is the cynic in me.  I digress.

With a past situation, I've been told that I should be happy to be friends with the person.  They never truly understood my side.  It took me a long time to realize to realize that she was toxic.  So this person has been out of my life for a few years.  I tried to make it work, but there came a time where enough was enough.  That ties in to the thing you see a lot online.  You see a lot of people saying you should rid yourself of the people who are not good for you and your life.  That's exactly what I did.

Circling back around to this current friend, I still consider her a friend.  Again, it is frustrating.  I debate with myself at times whether or not I should be friends with this person.  She has changed and we've been friends for less than a year.  It's nothing I did.  She at one time called me her "best friend."  It wasn't something I wanted to read.  When females call a guy their "best friend" and they are not dating or in some sort of relationship; it makes you think you that they've been friendzoned.  When I read that, I hated it.  I find it cringy when a female calls a guy their "best friend" no matter what their relationship.

It makes no sense to consider someone that good of a friend than change.  I try to talk to her, but it's no use.  She doesn't respond.  In the off chance we do talk, it ends up being about her.  There were times when we were to talk about me, but the conversation ends up on her somehow.  She is dealing with stuff.  That's all fine and well.  I am trying to deal with stuff as well.  Life is hard for her.  Life is hard for me.  That's no reason to ignore a so-called "friend."

There are lots of times I feel like I am at the end of my tether.  Lots of times I feel like saying screw it with this friendship.  But I never pull the trigger.  I don't have the most female friends in my life.  So maybe I am trying to hold on to the ones I have.  Certain ones like this friendship in this particular post I am trying to hold on to.  It seems like a lost cause when I think about it.  It all goes back to pulling the trigger.  Am I too much of a chump for not doing it?

I just don't get what her deal is.  I tried asking her recently, but again, I got no response.  Ignored.  I've been told I can come over anytime.  I tried to that.  Than I was told another time.  That's was a load of shit.  It is insulting when someone who called me a "best friend" promised to take me out for my birthday in June, but couldn't even do that.  It's frustrating.

I've been told by a friend that I should cut her loose.  Again, it's something I've considered.  I've just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.  Is it for the best that I do it?    I know for a fact it is nothing I did for things to have ended up the way they have.  I've have been wrestling and debating with myself what I should do.  I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger even in such a frustrating situation.  I don't know why I can't do it.  I don't know what is stopping.  Why can be the hardest question to answer no matter what the situation. But I know that I don't always like to deal with certain situations.  Maybe that could be it, but I don't know.

It's a tough spot to be in and I doubt I'll make a decision on what to do in the interim.  I'll just keep wrestling with it and debating in my head about it from time to time like I have been.  Yes, I should make a decision.  But I'll just let it fester.  That's not a good thing to do, but I have a bad of habit of doing that.  But it is what it is.  I hoping things will change.  The cynic in me has me thinking it won't.  We'll see.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

I Can't Like You?

Back in the ol' blogosphere.  It hasn't been a year filled with blog posts as I'd have hoped.  In this particular post, the content has been an all too common theme throughout the years in my blog.  I could have blogged about other things in the world such as what has been going on in England.  Or I could have I blogged about some of the bullshit that the premier of Saskatchewan Brad Wall has been doing.  But I didn't.  So that's that.

So this common theme has to do with life obviously.  But it has to do with relationships and the dating life.  It's something I am not particularly a fan of.  It's to do with the most recent rejection.  It's something that I've been thinking about lately.  I see this as a double standard.  It's frustrating because I've asked myself the same question multiple times.

Now, before I get into what I've been thinking about lately, I will not mention the name of this person.  That's just a respect thing.  Around the time she rejected me I was told that the only person that can have her is someone that doesn't want her.  Doesn't that seem a little fucked up?  You're never going to date because the person you want doesn't want you?  I've been there and it's hard being friends with someone that you're crushing on because you want more.  Trying to keep things platonic when you have those feelings is hard.

I can't like you because you don't like me like that?  Who are you to tell me that?  I never told her that she can't like someone that doesn't like her like that.  I thought it, yes.  But I never verbalized it.  I never bothered to.  I don't know what her reaction would have been.  I've never brought it up, nor will I.  I'll never know what her reaction would be.  I just don't understand how one could tell someone something like that.  I'm not saying she has to like me in the same way, but don't saying something like that to a person.  You've rejected the person.  With saying that, you've added insult to injury.  Don't take my feelings into account or nothing.

Don't get me wrong, she wanted to help me get over her rejecting me.  I was in a bad funk because of it.  It lasted a couple of days.  That doesn't mean I don't have some feelings for her in that way.  A "what the fuck" feelings goes through my mind when I think of what she said from months ago.  You might think "get over it" as it was months ago.  But that doesn't help matters.  It's not the rejection that I am focusing on necessarily.  I think about that from time to time.  It's what she said in terms of her liking someone yet I can't like her like that.

I don't know why I've been thinking about that.  Sometimes I think about things from the past.  But lately this particular thing has been playing over and over in my head.  This would be the same as me saying this someone.  That would be pretty shitty on my part to say something like that.  I don't know what was going through her mind when she said that.  I'm not going to ask her because it could piss her off.  I don't necessarily want to do that.  Plus she'd also ask why I'd be bringing up something from months ago.

As I stated, as much as it sucks to get rejected, that's not the issue here.  The issue is how she did it and what she said.  It's one of the worst ways I've been rejected.  She told she didn't like me like that.  Fine.  I've been told that before.  It never gets any easier to hear that.  But to say I can't like you as the only guy who can have you is someone who doesn't like you is even worse.  It doesn't make any sense.  It will never make any damn sense.  Ever.

Hopefully these thoughts in my head have made sense.  I don't want to dwell on this, but it's something I've been thinking about this lately.  If she does read this, I hope she realizes what she did was wrong.  That is if she figures out it is about her.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Carleton University Removes Scale

CBC.ca ran two articles on March 12th and 13th respectively.  They were about Carleton University removing a scale from the school.  The school claims that remvoing the school is to "promote a more holistic approach to body image."  If you look the definition of holistic, you will get two definitions.  One is philosophical and the other is medicinal.  But it doesn't relate to the issue at all.  Nobody complained about the scale thus makes their claims of a "holistic body image" a crock of shit.

They removed it because they think people with eating disorders will get "triggered."  Nobody has gotten "triggered" though.  This is a pre-emptive move on the university's part.  Nobody has actual came forward complaining.  There is no issue.  They made one out of nothing.

If using a scale is such big deal, you do have the option to not use it.  You have freewill and the freedom of choice.  If I had a problem with something and I could easily not use it, than I wouldn't.  A scale isn't bad.  It helps athletes and those who want to track their weight loss progress.  Sure you can go a little far and be unhealthy in using the scale.  You can use the scale properly and it can be a great tool.  I use to the scale to track my weight loss progress.  Once I start gaining muscle, it will be used for that as well.

If Carleton University doesn't understand the value a scale holds, that's not the student body's fault.  If they'd rather be ignorant than educate, it shows poorly on them.  Instead of making a rash decision, they should have consulted the student body.  But that would be going about it the right way.  The ones that benefit from having the scale in the gym don't get consulted because, as stated, those who will get "triggered" get priority.  It's a joke.

Carleton University has said they will "weigh the pros and cons."  Is that just another way to stall on making decision?  The pros outweigh whatever cons there may be.  I think so anyways.  But it doesn't matter what the people think as they did this without any consultation as mentioned. As far as I'm concerned, I think that's not how you run things.  The university needs to bring back the scale.  The university needs to not act in a pre-emptive manner on anything without proper consultation and actual legit complaints before moving to do something.  The scale was not hurting anybody being there.  If it was bothering people, they could complain all they want.  But, as stated, they can choose not use it.  That's the easiest thing to do.  It's not like the sight of the scale is going to offend them.  A scale offending someone is a stupid notion.  I chuckled slightly at the idea of the scale actually offending someone.  The whole thing is a joke and Carleton University made the news all over the world because of this stupidty.  Congrats Carleton. Good job on looking like a joke.

There is a positive outcome to all of this.  A March 23rd article on CBC.ca has stated that the scale is coming back or is back.  Carleton University became a target of conservative media including Brietbart.  It was quite sad.

Apparently one has to be put in the men's change room as the women's change room has always had one?  The men's change room never had one?  Why?  It doesn't make sense to have one in the women's change room only.  The scale doesn't have to be out in the open.  Having them in the change room is something I am okay with.  The Fieldhouse in Saskatoon has a scale in the men's change room for instance.

The article states what I already said and that is athletes track their weight for sports with weight classes like boxing or wrestling for example.  But what I don't get is that they are saying there are people who applauded the decision to remove the scale because it is "triggering for some, especially those with eating disorders."  But if you the previous two articles from March 12th and 13th, it doesn't that anyone filed complaints in regards to getting "triggered."  Is this poor journalism or did Carleton University fail to mention that?  Or is Carleton University saying that to justify their original pre-emptive decision?

Whatever the reason, I still think the whole being "triggered" is a crock.  Once again, you have the option to not use the scale.  Nobody is forcing you to use the scale.  Freewill and freedom of choice.  If on the off chance that someone did complain, it took away another person's freedom to choose to use the scale.

If Carleton University wants to promote a healthy and positive body image, they can educate and do other things in terms informing people if they really want to promote that.  Taking away the scale doesn't do that.  Hopefully Carleton University has learned to not to act in a pre-emptive manner or in a rash manner when making a decision about anything.  It doesn't help anyone.  It shows a lack of caring about people's input.  Input is helpful in some situations.  The reality is that even though eating disorders are a very real thing, they can choose to not use the scale.  It has been said a couple of  times throughout this post, but it bares repeating.  If they have an eating disorder, they should seek help.  Carleton University shouldn't have gone to extremes and removed the scale.  Again, no formal complaints were made and there was no reason to.  Bringing them back was the right move.  They wouldn't have had to bring them back if they just left it alone.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Gym Update 3: Dropping Weight

Taken March 2, 2017.
I don't usually take pictures at the gym.  Why do I need to show you I am at the gym?  Is it necessary to be like everyone else and take one everytime I am at the gym?  My friend Shannon took it.  She wanted a "before" picture.  It's not a true before picture as I have started shedding weight and I have a shirt on.  I don't care if I have a shirt on.  It doesn't make my efforts less legit.  But I digress.

I have been progressing postively with my weight loss.  I always do cardio.  Always.  I could do more weights, but that's a weak spot for me.  I could use some pointers/tips on what to do better with weights.  So I don't do weights as often as I should.

When it comes to cardio I push my hard.  I always get a damn good sweat on.  I always make sure of that.  Always.  I push myself so I can slowly see results.  After I finish my workout, I sit in the sauna after.  Cardio and sauna has working to get the weight off.

According to the scale, I have lost 14 pounds.  That's a good start.  As long as I keep pushing, the weight will keep coming off.  If you want to get in shape and drop some weight, you need to push yourself as well.  The weight won't come off I if don't.  It's a both I want to and have to get the weight off.  I want to get to into shape and I've gotten back into doing it.  I have to because I am diabetic.  It's crucial because of my diabetise that I lose the weight and get into shape.

Dropping the weight will have a positive effect on my diabetes.  I am type 2 as you've may or may not have read in previous posts.  Being that type 2 diabetes is not as dependant on insulin, I can be completely off insulin.  I also can be free of diabetes with the risk of getting diabetes always being there.  If you have diabetes or could potentially have it, you owe it to yourself to drop weight and get yourself in shape.  If I didn't start up at the gym and get my ass moving, I'd be a lazy blob.  That's what I reverted to when I got back to Saskatoon.

I feel good after going to the gym.  I know there is a positive change.  But there are other aspects of my life that I am working on or that I need to work on.  My diet is one that I need to work on.  It's a hard part of it all.  That is why I need to work on it.

If you have been working out and needed to lose weight and get in shape, you know it can be a struggle. Slowly but surely things will get to where they need to be.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Gym Day 3: Feel the Burn

Yesterday I hit the gym at Lakewood Civic Centre.  It was a pretty intense workout if I do say so myself.  I did nearly an hour of cardio.  Did some weights after that.  I slept after that.  I was wiped.  That maybe expected after such an intense workout.  It was worth it though.  I am not going to the gym everyday.  Maybe a few times a week.  Don't push it too hard.  Just hard enough.  I will slowly see some results.  It is needed for my health.

A week ago last Monday on January 30th, I was at Lawson Civic Centre as you have read.  One thing I seen in the weight/cardio room was a poster that said "sore today, stronger tomorrow."  I didn't think about it much.  But on this third day, it hit me.  It rang true.  I am getting stronger.  Maybe this is something we should all live by when getting in shape.  Thinking back to last winter, spring, and summer; this rang true as well.  I was walking a lot last winter.  I was up to 12.5 kms.  I hope to get back to that or close to it.

More workouts will happen this week.  More workouts will take place.  Never forgot, "sore today, strong tomorrow."  It will help you push forward.  It will help you if you have a lack of motivation.  I've been there.  I've had a lack of motivation a lot in my life.  That is slowly changing.  I am slowly changing that mindset.

Day three was the hardest of my workouts.  I need to push myself.  I need to feel the burn.  "Sore today, stronger tomorrow."  I guess you can say it's becoming more than just a catchphrase.  You can say it is becoming a mauntra.  Join me on my journey to a new and improved self.  Join me on my journey to reclaim my health.

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Song of the Day #57

Love can be a burden.  It can bring you down like a heavy load.  Jamestown Revival's song "Love is a Burden" rings true.  Love can be a real bitch.  It sucks when you try and get nothing.  It weighs you down and you seemingly can't do nothing about it.  But I am learning to not let it get me down.  Too many times it has and it is not good for me.  Enough about that.  Enjoy a great song with a great vibe.

"Love is a Burden" by Jamestown Revival
YouTube link


Friday, February 03, 2017

Song of the Day #56

I have had this song in my head lately.  I finally found the name of it.  Good thing you can search lyrics to find the actual name of a song.  It's got a good vibe to it.  I dig it.

"Kiss This" by The Struts
YouTube link


Monday, January 30, 2017

Gym Day 1: The First Step

Today was the first step in reclaiming my health.  My friend Shannon urged me to go to the gym at the Lawson Civic Centre.  I do have a temporary pass as I am waiting for my official pass.  It was a cardio evening.  Shannon signed us up for a 45 minute areobics class.  It was intense.  At least for me anyways.  It was something I've never done before.  Would I do it again?  I don't know.  It is something that I will have to think about.

I followed that up with 20 minutes on the treadmill.  I don't usually walk treadmills.  I am more of an outside walker.  That's what I did last winter, spring, and early summer.  I was up to 12.5 kms a week.  I need to get back to a decent amount of walking outside.  After that I did 30 minutes on the bike.  I haven't been on a stationary bike in a long time.

Did I overdo it?  There is a case for that.  I will have to do less until I get stronger.  The old adage is "less is more."  I am feeling it.  I am sore.  I will eventually overcome.  That's part of reclaiming my health.

Since coming back to Saskatoon, I've reverted back to my old lifestyle.  I've become lazy again.  I had this plan that I was going to continue my positive lifestyle.  That was a lie.  I was gung-ho.  But in the end, I did nothing.  It has crept up on me and I would be paying for it if I didn't make a change.  If you have relatively good health, don't take that for granted.  Don't think you are bulletproof.  Your health could take a turn and it is not fun.  So keep your health while you have it.

I was careless and it put me in the hospital for ten days in late 2015.  I was careless again and now I need to take this seriously.  I have had a great support system.  Aside from Shannon, I've had my sister Heather, a very good friend in Mark Jensen, someone who prays for me almost daily in Maurice Hilderman, and Cam Zoller, which might not be much, for his nuggets of wisdom.  I thank them for being a close knit support system even when I haven't been at my best.  I am truly blessed to know a lot of people, especially nurses, who are or have been in medical profession.

This is day one.  This is the first step.  Join me in my journey in reclaiming my health.