Jealousy wasn't something I experienced in my dating life I started liking someone at the end of college 9 years ago. It got worse when I was rejected by someone I liked that I worked with. You can find posts about that and what happened in the summer of 2010. It's too lengthy to put into this post. I got jealous because she was with someone else. It was bad and now I get jealous over things in my dating life.
Jealousy is back. I like someone and the same old shit of rejection. I know things won't be like it was in the summer of 2010. That doesn't change the fact that I am jealous. Not one bit. I can't handle that she is seeing other people. Or wants to be with someone other than myself. The funk returns and I hate it. It eats away at me. I wish I never went through this all those years ago. This might be easier. It might not trigger this now.
I am in such a funk right now that I feel sick. I've been in funks before and it has been awful, but I haven't felt sick over it. This fucking sucks. I have to move on or so one would say, but I just can't. I just feel like I can't anyways. I need things to occupy my mind. Even if just temporarily. If I don't have these things to occupy my mind, I will think and think and about this and it will drive me mental. I feel like I am trapped. I feel until I eventually get over it, I will continue to be trapped.
I feel like going for a walk will help. But the last time I was like this, walking helped somewhat. It helped because I wouldn't be sitting around and just thinking about this. As I said, sitting around thinking about this effects me. I just want it to stop.
Feeling this way is not good for my health considering I am epileptic and diabetic. This combination of stress and jealousy will effect my blood sugar levels. I know things need to change for the sake of my health, but my motivation is shit right now. Having no motivation fucking blows. I need motivation for the sake of my health. It is important. This is one thing I've had a hard time at. I need to get my weight under control. I want that in the worst way.
With being in a funk, I feel restless. I feel the need to get out and find something that may mind off being restless. Something I do is take long showers or baths. I did that when I was in a real bad funk in 2010. That is a sign of it.
I don't know what to do about being jealous I feel helpless and trapped as I said. I can't sleep as I just think about her. I can't get her off my mind. It sucks because of the jealousy. I just hate the fact that it fucks around with my life. It won't let me live my life normally. If I wasn't jealous I could. Jealousy is a cruel mistress and it knows it.
