Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Valentine's Day and Single People

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.  Once again, I don't care.  You might call me a hypocrite because I am talking about it.  That's true I guess and I am okay with that.  With that being said, it's not about why people have to do things on Valentine's Day.  I've talked about that in a previous post which you see here.  I am not talking about myself being alone on Valentine's.  I don't care about that.  But as the title of this post says, it's about single people and Valentine's Day.

This post was sparked by my friend, Mark, one day.  I've mentioned him before.  We were talking about relationships and related topics as we do frequently.  He mentioned about being single and Valentine's Day.  It got me thinking that a lot of single people are obsessed with the fact they are alone or hate being alone on Valentine's Day.  Why?  Why is the need to be with someone on Valentine's Day such a big deal for some people?  Do they think they are a loser for being a lone on Valentine's Day?

I've seen posts from people on social media in the past, when they were single or are still single, complaining about being single on Valentine's Day.  I feel like telling them to "STFU."  Sure it's their right to bitch and complain.  It is not going to get you someone any quicker.  But on the off chance you have someone for Valentine's Day, speaking about the chronically single and those who bitch about it, it's not going to make you happier.  I wish I could say it would, but I can't.  You're only temporarily happy because you managed to get a date for Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day is not some cure for being chronically single, loneliness, being unhappy, etc..  You need to fix that stuff yourself.  But the fact you're bothered to the point of obsessing over being alone on Valentine's Day proves you have other issues to work out than this particular day can't fix.

Why is being single any other time of the year not such a bad thing?  Is it the fact you are not getting love and romance?  Is it the fact you don't have someone showering you with gifts?  That's all fine and well I guess.  If that's the only reason you don't like being single on Valentine's Day, you do need to take a hard look at yourself and realize you can get all those things anytime of the year.  There shouldn't be a sense of urgency because society has deemed you need to be with someone on that day and need to exchange gifts.

For myself I don't need gifts even though it's a nice gesture.  I don't need love and romance because it's Valentine's Day.  There are 364 other days for that to happen.  Why is it so hard to treat Valentine's Day as another day if you are single?  I've treated Valentine's as another day for long time.  That won't change when I'm in a relationship.

Mark D. White Ph.D. wrote a piece on PsychologyToday.com in 2012 which confirms what I am thinking and writing about.  You can read the article here.  Basically, the gist of what he is saying is to use the fact you don't have anyone on Valentine's to re-evaluate and reassess how you would go about finding love.  He also said you're not failure for not being with someone on Valentine's Day.

Kristen Mark, Ph.D., M.P.H wrote an article on PsychologyToday.com and has another take.  It's the opposite of wanting to be with someone on Valentine's Day.  You can read the article here.  She says single people shouldn't be pitied because they are single on Valentine's Day.  Although, that might make things worse some people if they are.  She goes on to say she conducted a study that showed that no matter the circumstances surrounding you being single, most of the people that participated in the study don't mind being alone on Valentine's Day.

Regardless, don't dwell on being single on Valentine's Day.  You're not doing yourself any favours.  Just doing you like and again treat it like any other day.

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