Cynicism - Being Cynical

I've noticed something I've become in the second half of last year.  It's not necessarily something I'm proud of, but it's something I have to work on.  Basically I've noticed I've become cynical.  It's prevalent in a certain area of life.  No, not when it comes to me.  But I've directed it outwards towards others whether they notice it or not.  The area of life I am talking about is relationships.  When a friend tells me they are seeing someone, whether they are actually in a relationship or not is not the issue, but based on their past history of getting hurt or what have you, I find someone thinking it might happen again or hoping it doesn't happen again.

Thinking for a moment, I get a sense that this stems from certain things that haven't fallen into place in terms of relationships.  Getting the runaround, getting the same old line about just being friends, not going to work out, looking for different people, etc., etc..  If you never get the runaround than you have no idea how cynical it has slowly made me.  I feel as though as much as some people say they understand, I don't truly believe they quite understand.

I appreciate they tell me stuff, but I get cynical at times because of their history.  I guess I need some sort of affirmation that this time is different or this is not like a previous time.  It would be reassuring in my mind if they did that much.  I just need something to put my mind at ease.  But I never always fully get what I seek or want.  Or better yet, what I need to put my mind at ease.  I feel as though they purposely avoid doing so because maybe deep down they know it's true.  Than again, I could be wrong.  Or if they tell me everything is fine, I can't help but wonder if it will be.

Plus it's not just them, but other people I know.  The stuff they post online like on Facebook that they are in another relationship when they just got out of one.  I think to myself, "I wonder how long this will last..."  Or if they say they are dating someone when they say they don't want to date for a while. I call bullshit on that because I know I can't believe it.

I used to take things at face value, but slowly I've changed and with somethings I can't.  I don't mean to, but I do it.  This is something I may have to work on.  Of course it will be hard, but it's a necessary thing I have to do. 

Reexamining Faith

On Sunday, my friend from the United States messaged me on Facebook and said she went to church.  I told her it's great she is going.  She proceeded to tell me that she went on Christmas Eve and she really enjoyed it.  This could the direction she needs in her life.

I asked her what denomination the church is.  She wasn't able to tell right off.  So she linked me to this church's website.  So I was looking around and I found which denomination they are.  It says they are independent of one denomination which is basically non-denominational.  I continued look around the site and see that this church looks very mega church by their one image.  It's an image of their stage which shows their service times located on the front page.  My friend said it is in that vain of a church.  I told her why I have a disdain for mega churches.  I've said why in previous posts.  So I won't get into it at this time in this post why I have a disdain for them.

My friend proceeded to tell me very personal stuff, which I won't say out of respect for her, that stopped her from going to church for many, many years.  Basically she said she wondered where God was when all this bad stuff was happening.  That is one legitimate concern (for a lack of a better term) that people have with believing.  But she gave up on God because she thought she didn't need Him in her life.  That is common for a lot of people.  She managed to get through those times.  Which I'm proud of her for doing.

I told her that she shouldn't have given up so easily.  She did, but it would have made her stronger to still believe amidst all the struggles she was going through at that time.  She can't change the past, but only go forward with her faith by going back to it.  I think it's great first step in rediscovering and reexamining faith to start going back to church.  I truly hope she can build upon this and that she won't lose site of her faith.

I pray for blessings upon her as she starts back in the Christian faith.  Much love to one of my best female friends.  Shalom!

Random Fact #10

The other day, I was on Facebook and the Nora Jones page posted something about her honouring the late Ravi Shankar.  So I looked into why she'd be one of the people to honour him.  But as I found out, Ravi Shankar had an affair with Nora Jones's mother.  Yes, you read that right.  Nora Jones has some Indian in her.  You'd never know it though.

Mind is now blown.  That is way I felt too.  Now you know!

Happy New Year

I didn't post about my Christmas because I didn't really have anything to say.  I could have rambled on about my mellow Christmas at my mom and stepdad's, but that would be the same as every year now.  I could have said how I spent time with some of my other family and my friend Mark.  But that would be like every year.  I'm not trying to dumb these down.  It's just that it's something I've been doing every year now.  But on the bright side, hanging out with my friend Mark is always a good time because we hardly get to hang out and chill because of him being in Winnipeg and I being in Saskatoon.  I want to try and get to Winnipeg sometime soon.

Now that it is 2013, I think what may possibly come in this year.  I'm not necessarily going to make a New Years resolution because more often than not I will not follow through with it.  In general, 92 percent of don't follow through with their resolution.  That's means a sad and low eight percent actually stick to their resolution.  Is it easier to not stick with your New Years resolution?  Is it easier to say you'll do it next year? Whatever the case is, we find it easier to just push it aside and do it some other time.

If we didn't call it a resolution, would that make it better in helping you stick with it?  Maybe not because it still is a resolution.  Why can't we just do something without it being a resolution?  Maybe that is a bit of a complex question that may need a complex answer which I don't know.  Maybe setting a resolution could be motivating.  Than again, it can't be if only eight percent actually follow through with their resolution.

I've made the odd resolution in my life.  As a whole, I don't believe in making a resolution because of it being easy to break it.  Setting a resolution isn't motivation.  There should be other reasons to do something.  For example, getting out of debt shouldn't be a resolution.  Something like that should be a no-brainer to do.  But people make a resolution to do it.  In the words of Nike, "Just do it."  But it's easier to put it off then to do it.

I'm not wanting to harp on or keep talking about resolutions.  I just want to progress in the projects that I'm doing like my videos, podcasting, blogging, and music.  I want to make money with my music and videos on YouTube so I can have that extra money to save.  I'll keep plugging away at it so I can start making money at it.  Aside from my projects, I'll try to do what is best for me personally.

Hope you have a happy New Year.  May 2013 be better than 2012 if it was crap for you.